#i dont want my loved ones to be sad about it.

[taxkha]

My art summary of 2024! I never cared much about having a consistent artstyle but this is the most consistent my art has ever been and it's making me realize that I have been really happy with my art this year which is a great feeling. I just got home a couple hours ago from my vacation and I'm exhausted but I'm so excited to draw again coming 2025! That being said I appreciate everyone who told me they like my art by leaving a comment or nice tags or even send an ask. I regularly read through them again to cheer me up. Thank you!

Also for good measure, the past 10 years art summaries under the cut (wow, 10 years...thats so much time.)

And some notes on my art of the individual years because I love yapping 2023: 2023 was THE worst year of my entire life and I have nothing good to say about it. There is some illustrations I made that I like and despite the happy subject matter in my art looking at my 2023 works just makes me sad. 2022: The year I graduated art school! I really went out of my comfort zone and drew so much OC stuff. I feel like Im at my best art wise when I concentrate on my original stories. Definitely something I want to get back into.

2021: I think I made some pretty big jumps art wise. It's also the year I got accepted into almost every zine I applied to after getting rejected by almost everything the previous years. I interacted a lot with a small corner of the FF7 fandom which has been my most positive fandom experience so far. Love the peeps who run the FF7 zines! <3 Overall the first half of that summary just makes me cringe but I made some big leaps improvement wise. I also slowly started to get a healthier mindset regarding social media interactions on my art which is a good development. 2020: Ugh. Just no. 2019: 2019 it seems is where my obsession with social media got really bad which led to me being very aggressive about it so I overall just dont enjoy looking at my 2019/2020 art. I wish I could look at it as fondly but I was kind of a dick. 2018: I remember being really happy with my 2018 art. I still love the April and October pieces. 2017:

Was a good art year! 2016: It's hard to say something about the art I made as a teenager. I have been at it for a while. 2015:

I drew really weird ears for a while. 2014: First one! Lots of traditional art still. Mostly because my first tablet broke. It's fun looking at these! :)

[vivid-bad-brainrot]

Fav vbs ship?

I would say polysquad but that's too easy so I guess if I had to rank vbs ships itd look like this ^^

And I'll give explanations cause I feel like yapping

🥇Touan!!! ☕️🎧

TOUAN. My love for this pairing goes so deep I am the sole admin for @timelytouan over or Twitter. I'm. A little insane. Bro their dynamic is everything to me its not even funny. I think they have a really wholesome relationship /p and /r and i think its really sweet for an to be such a big proponent of touya getting new experiences and especially watching their relationship grow as the game progresses and seeing the two of them develop an understandingof eachother!!! I've written about 40k words of touan fanfic in total....my little eebies AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON TOUAN PARALLELS. I could do a separate post yammering about that since An and Touya truly are two sides of the same coin

• "we're teammates, so when you're happy, i wanna be happy with you. And when you're sad i wanna console you,or maybe even cry with you!"

• "hehe, you really have changed a lot, touya. Before, i could never tell what you were thinking at all!"

"if we're saying that, isn't it more impressive that you've learnt to understand me?"

🥈Anhane🎧🐹

Anhane is so.....anhane....*wipes tear* I finished writing a 15k words long anhane fic last night so my passion for these two is very strong. I think Anhane is a ship that is prone to misconception especially in the way some people characterize An—how some people just see her as Kohane obsessed and water down her character just to that (the way i see it is that Kohane is a BUFFER to everything that makes An who she is!!! Again. Another rant for another time) While Anhane's dynamic isn't the first of its kind, it really goes deep!! The mutual importance to eachother is so precious to me.... Kohane who was given the chance to grow into her best self and An who gets to gets to share her love of music and Vivid Street. With An's crippling abandonment issues ESPECIALLY regarding kohane, anhane is a ship that is SO fun to play around with wherein it gives you the best fluff and angst....anhane so good

🥉. Akikoha 🥞🐹

Akikoha is one of those ships where I will randomly get hit by the most severe brainrot of my life for a few days and then be fine but have to live under constant threat of gettjng killed by akikoha cuteness... akikoha is just so cute man!!! Disecting them down to a deeper level, I really love how they complement eachother in their world views and how they approach things!! They both admire eachother so much!!! With Akito and Kohane, they seem really different from wachother but all they want to do is prove themselves!!! I also love to see akito hyping kohane up!!! Good stuff!!!

• "Look, there's always gonna be haters. Don't let it get to you. If it bothers you so much what people say about us, shut them up with an awesome performance. Like that other time. Keep your chin high and show them how awesome you are. Anyway, An's really late. Let's go inside. Besides, this way our sensitive member won't have to listen to some guys badmouthing us while they wait for the gig"

"Um... Was Akito being considerate towards me just now?" (LMAOOO 😭😭😭😭)

4. Akian 🥞🎧

Whether you like them romantically or not can we just talk about how banger their dynamic is???? Their constant bickering makes them so fun!! An and Akito have known eachother since middle school and probably met some time after RAD WEEKEND when Akito would sing on the street and catch wind of An. I think this plays in to not only their deep friendship but also their rivalry!! The two of them indirectly helped eachother through their loneliness 🥺🥺 An found comfort in Akitos voice simply being there!! Then we obviously have akitos deep understanding of an (although generally he's just very perceptive of the people around him!! Don't forget!!!) We see in sis bfby and kiuan where akito is able to see RIGHT THROUGH an and call her out on her shit! That familiarity means so much to the both of them and I think their dynamic is SO sweet what the hell man!!! Guys akian is so peak EVERY VBS PAIRING IS SO PEAK

5. Toukoha ☕️🐹

EVERYTIME SOMEONE CALLS TOUKOHA BORING AN ANGEL LOSES ITS WINGS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 NO ONE GETS THEM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 NO ONE DESERVES TOUKOHA 😭😭😭😭 anyways toukoha get shoved aside alot as the quiet ones of vbs when. Guys. Thes mfs are YAPPERS. Touya and Kohane's autism sync up like Bluetooth. If you want to be enlightened on toukoha I EMPLORE you to go read take the best shot....do it for them.... I wish they had more in game content there's not even alot of them in card stories which is sad because that's usually where u can find the most content for vbs pairings outside of ahn/akty 💔💔💔 I think their dynamic in vbs main story is really interesting....... if you think toukoha is lame YOU are lame 🫵🫵🫵

5. Akitoya

Guys I LOVE akitoya very much they are SOULMATES but I put them down here because I think about them the least (i am biased towards women. Off topic but shoutout to girltouya) and don't trust myself to write an analysis of them 😭😭😭 but I really do love them they are very cute

I know people (at least from my experience in vbs communities) get really defensive over ships so remember that I ADORE all of these ships and brainrot all of them

[ablobwhowrites]

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

Also kinda thinking of the sad detective y/n idea I did and now I’m about to expose more angst I was hiding from you guys and adding more salt to your/n’s wound with this idea from @someone-named-adel and the original start of detective y/n’s angst arc started HERE so please enjoy my yapping session and also I promise I’m going to release a fic on this soon.

I imagine when y/n’s partner was killed. Y/n was the last one to leave the grave even when it was raining heavily, y/n didn’t wanna leave their side. Even at the hospital through the surgery and when they told him the news, it was like he was torn apart. Especially when it was New Year’s Day when he was to propose to them and how they talked about having a family. To find out later when y/n was trying to clean their, his apartment he found a letter that was neatly folded as he opened it was a letter that his partner wrote that told him that they were going to have their child and be able to have the family that y/n and them wanted for so long. They were going to give the letter to y/n when y/n was going to propose as well and this had y/n sob as he couldn’t save his love and now he lost their future, the life, the dream that him and his partner were planning. (In a alternative universe y/n saved his lover and was able to live a happy ever after with them and his child. I say as I'm dragged into rock myself back and forth in a corner)

And that sometimes in certain cases he has is when he sometimes has to be like a parental figure to some kids who have lost or need help to find their parents as some part in him tells him to protect the kid who needs help but he is still afraid that he'll have the kid die when he tries his hardest to protect them but that never happens. He it's just afraid of having kids and feeling that anyone who puts trust into him would get hurt or worse as even if he had no control of the situation, he'll always feel like he could have done something to help even when he couldn't have done anything to prevent this situation. Just for anyone he cares about, he wants to be safe especially having to see his lover die had given him more purpose to try help and protect more people even if it kills him.

But now to the silly and the brain rot

Also I was rewatching the justice league series and was the episode A better world and saw that they cared for our regular flash because the one in the other world died and I saw how panicked the other Batman was when he thought our world flash died so I was thinking. What if the opposite justice league also lost their y/n and basically went to take the y/n from our dc cause they are still alive. Just a little thought and also watched the Crisis on Two Earths: Crime Syndicate Earth. And thought of other world y/n who worked with that justice league from the crisis on two earths. I dont know, might to a more imaging part of it but yeah.

Detective y/n: "wow that was a great dinner. Well thanks for inviting me over but I gotta go back home now."

Bruce: "who said you were leaving?"

Y/n: "huh?"

Detective y/n seeing killer croc running straight at him like

Detective y/n: "good to be back at my job in gotham."

Romantic DC yanderes: "I want you."

Y/n: "what-"

Detective y/n: "well at least theres no more insane universes that try to harm this world.....what do you mean there's more universes?"

(bro is going to tweak when he realizes they get worse from here. But thats all today and if you'd guys like more than feel free to request more but right for now please stay healthy and drink lots of water and stay healthy guys!)

[lilacponds]

the wanting your friends to not worry about you while you clutch your chest and cry at random intervals while knowing you've been through this before and you will again and it's always been and always will be worth it while being unable to eat or sleep much while reassuring your friends youre fine while

-

i want to be able to be in pain and grieve and be sad. but i dont want my friends to be sad for me. i dont want to be asked how im doing

im in pain but i mean it when i say it will pass and i know it, not in the 'im keeping hope and positivity' kind of way but in the 'its an unescapable cycle of my life that im happy to go through'

of course im not happy about what happened, or that im in pain, but i would do it again in a heartbeat if i could go back in time. love is worth it

its like...

this is a personal type of pain. i hold it precious in my palms. its not for sharing, its my treasure and mine alone.

this is not just about pain. its about the happiness it follows. its about the love overflowing. its about the wonder hidden in the corners. its about realization and sacrifice and all the little things that no one can really get because they havent lived through my specific experiences.

its precious, to me. to keep near my now-aching-soon-nostalgic heart. to hang on the walls inside of it.

spending time with loved ones helps soothe, of course. i'm not shying away from that. but my stinging and my healing are mine to cherish.

[slavhew]

hm

[electronicmail]

Firefox-official vs electronicmail

Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby

okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole it’s electronicmail or nothing

[xxplastic-cubexx]

If you were to like redesign Magneto's classic outfit in a way that both suits the character and your own tastes, how would you redesign it?

uhhhh errrmmmmm i dont know i really couldnt improve upon perfection but i have still tried for you my friend !!!

[gunstellations]

confessions

[crustyfloor]

This scene of Till innocently peaceful with such a big smile feels incomplete to me after the events of round 7--But more true to his character rather than a comic with his final thoughts like Sua and Ivan had, it's cruel, brief, like a flashback, and it's bittersweet. Till is probably going to be reserved and ambiguous till the end. He wouldn't be able to bring himself to think about and reflect on his regrets and traumas; that's Till's principle; living in stubborn, childish beliefs, and in those truths, he finds escape into solace, even if it's unlike his reality, it's how he copes enough to make everything bearable for the next day to come. This image feels like a reflection, a memory of when he was happier in life. In Till's final moments, he thought about his and Mizi's childhood, the moment he fell in love with her was when she smiled at him with such radiance, the same moment, he felt like his heart was reborn; it was like he could breathe and smile solely for her. Till thinks back to these moments, these fleeting moments of peace because he can't let them go, he can't let go of the comfort of that familiarity.

--"Oh in a blink Gone. Blink and Gone, relish the present."

This image does bring me back to a lot of lyrics in Round 7. But this one in particular, a line that talks about living in the present before the moment slips between your fingers, in a blink, gone. But Till lives in the past.

Till doesn't think back to round 1 when he killed that alien guitar for Mizi, even though it was fully his decision, even though it was so gratifying seeing "Till win" and Mizi's acknowledgment, do you think he would have done that if he wasn't desperate and just doing what he felt like he had to do to survive? Because he had to stay by Mizi's side in her darkest moment like she was the one beacon of hope and happiness for him?

Till only suffers when he thinks back to round 6. When he's reminded of regret and pain. So, he represses the very memory of it to protect himself, he can't bring himself to even acknowledge it at all until he's forced to, when the aliens were intimidating him with Mizi's missing poster, he fights back out of anger. Just having that weakness, his guilt, and his grief used against him feels like a different kind of collar. Till thinks back to these warm, intangible memories of his childhood because life on stage was never something he could make his own, he didn't want to live for anything Alien Stage offered him, power, fame, etc. Despite his passion for music, Till is gentle and emotional at heart. This throne that is elevated high by bloodied corpses, a life living stagnant and trapped under the suffocating palm of an Alien, at the very top but inexplicably expendable, was never Till's vision of a life worth living. That's why he fought like hell for the life he wanted, for the life that he could've had. It really drives the point home when his final thoughts were centered around those moments when he was the happiest in his life.

It is so hard to feel the beauty, the warmth, in this image when everything around him is inauthentic, and it's off-putting because of the underlying details, especially since because of his gown, this scene might have taken place after one of those experiments or 'classes' it's a very subtle reminder of their reality. But his smile is so real in the moment without the collar, without the pain... he looks so carefree and full of life

And he scrunches his nose when he laughs *gets shot*

[muchmossymess]

Like they just did that and moved on

[bluebirbbb]

little arthur malevolent lester portrait because my brain is full of him

[skitskatdacat63]

Roleswap anyone??

Tell me Fernando wouldn't make a fantastic general/emperor, and that Napoleon wouldn't make a fanastic driver/tp!!

[yellowocaballero]

Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?

Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!

I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.

I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.

I am going to talk about the prologue.

The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.

Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.

But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.

They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.

I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?

Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.

Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.

At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.

What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.

It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.

But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.

ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?

When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.

[goosecastle41]

Hey so if I wrote a fic about Curly post Mouthwashing and how he suffers from the guilt of not protecting his crew while also suffering the pain as a disabled person who was once able bodied would y’all want that or should I just suffer the feelings I have about that in silence?

[ghost-bard]

something has possessed me i think bc why am i in the year 2024 thinking about merlin/gwaine but also merlin/lancelot but also gwaine/merlin/lancelot. what have i done to deserve this

[xxplastic-cubexx]

i think when cherik fuck charles just has to control himself so much that he reaches the point where he gets almost no pleasure because of the efforts and erik just doesn't see that for a long time bc charles is very good at simulating whatever it is so they fuck and erik is happy and cherles is close to tears every time because yeah he had sex but he spent all time of it struggling to remain control of his abilities and he didn't have orgasm and he just doesn't know what to do because he's afraid to tell erik and he's afraid to stop doing that because he thinks he'd project his thoughts and feeling all over the mansion and he's afraid to go on the way he does because it's exhausting and kinda awful

sorry im in the mood for angsty thoughts about charles's telepathy sorry

you jsut gon say this in fronta my salad. ..,